WALK THIS
WAY!
After
divorcing in 1997, I decided it wasn’t marriage or relationships that I hated….it
was just HIM!
I was in my
very early thirties and still very much in the prime of my life. So into the dating game I returned. I would
soon discover that I wouldn’t wish this experience on my worst enemy.
Stuck in the
midst of this “new season” of my life, I had one of my time-traveler moments! Somehow I had been sent back into middle
school, except now those pre-adolescent claws had been traded in for acrylic
nails and they were desperate for a man…any man! I was a bit daunted, but
wasn’t hanging up my gloves yet.
At this time
blind dates could still be found, but I thought “Why not give these dating ads
a try?” After all, I can get exactly what I’m looking for by their “honest, heartfelt”
descriptions! (SNORT) Oh, to be thirty years old and still so naïve!
I found this
ad and it read, as follows:
Paul Bunyan type,
looking for a full-figured woman in mid-30’s. Seeking a long term relationship
and possibly marriage in the future. I love to travel, listening to music and
romantic dinners.
After
reading it, I said “Perfect! Looks do not matter. It’s all about what’s in a
person’s heart, and finding a person that will treat me kindly…that’s what’s
most important.” I left a message, he
returned my call and we agreed to meet for coffee at a local shop. At the agreed time, I pulled into the parking
lot and scoped it out looking for his dark blue car.
Listen well,
because it’s not often I say “I’m wrong”, but I was wrong. There is definitely
something to be said about a bit of chemistry in a relationship, and even a bit
of physical attraction. When I saw him….it
wasn’t there, but even if I wanted to duck out now, I couldn’t…..he spotted me!
I parked the car, shut it off and waited
for him to get out of own vehicle. He
had managed to get out of his car, but had yet to walk in my direction, so I
made the first move. As I’m crossing the parking lot, I’m having a mental
conversation with all of the voices in my head. One says. “There is something
so familiar about this guy, but I can’t seem to place it.” Another piped out. “Guurrrrllll, he fell
short of Paul Bunyan by about eighteen inches!”
Then I said, “Will you all shut up! It’s not like I’m getting married….it’s
just a freaking coffee for God Sakes!”
I’ll give
the voices a break….they were spot on. He was no taller than my own, 5’2” frame
and he was familiar….almost like I had seen him in a movie, but couldn’t place
which one. I finally reached the car, smiled and introduced myself. He did the same, and we began walking down
the incline of the parking lot toward the coffee shop. He stepped with his left foot, and then
dragged his right leg behind, and as I watched he began to explain. “I fell on
the ice a few months ago and broke my ankle. It’s still giving me a bit of
trouble.”
Then those
damn voices came back. “Bloody Hell,
Lass! Yer aboot to have coffee with the
Hunchback of Notre Dame hisself, Quasimoto!”
I was
blessed enough to meet my true soul mate in 1998, after a very tumultuous
marriage. I’m in it for good! No more dating scenes for me! Besides, trying to
fill his shoes would be impossible.
Really! He wears a size 14!
