Juliusism Sunday

Julius started asking me about getting a wig. No not for me...for him. Silly me...I thought he was referring to his head, but apparently he needs to catch up with his older brothers and he is looking for some armpit hair! Oy!

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

I'm so glad my kids don't have self-esteem issues. Do they have a down day once in awhile....sure, but for the most part they are secure with themselves. It could be their genetic make-up or being raised by a blunt speaking, Italian/French mother...I don't know.
It got my attention when I heard DeJon in the kitchen and then the conversation ensued.
Devan: What? I'm making my lunch for tomorrow.
Dejon*laughing*: You're not going to use that lunchbox are you?
Devan: What's wrong with The Avengers?
Dejon: Dude, you're in 8th grade. *laughs*
Devan: Mom, do you think people will make fun of me if I bring an Avengers lunchbox to school or should I just go with a good ole' fashion brown paper bag.
Me: Oh, Devan honey...if they wanted to laugh at you they would have done it by now!
Dejon*rolls on floor laughing*
Devan(sighs): Okay...Where's the Buzzlight Year one?
Me: In the cupboard by the sink.
Devan: Thanks.
Michael(17 year old): What? You can't use the Buzzlight Year one...that's the one I use!

Juliusism Sunday!

I like to keep glass jars with lids. You know...pickle jars, relish jars, etc, because you never know when you'll need them for a school project or whatever. In my case, I save them so when the boys ask for a jar to capture one of those outdoor creatures (they capture and release) to study it I have them. It certainly beats them taking my Tupperware outside...which has totally happened.

Yesterday, Julius said, "Mom, do you have a glass jar with a lid?" I said, "Why yes, I do." I figured they wanted to catch lightening bugs outside, as they are a plethora of them along our tree line. However, I asked anyways. That was probably my first mistake. "What are you trying to catch?" Julius responded, "I'm trying to catch my fart to see if I can capture the smell." Two of his brothers burst out laughing, as I said, "Julius that's disgusting." He said, "No, its an experiment. Do you think it'll work?" 

 SMH!

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

 Morphing Mom

Isaiah: I like your eyes when they're kind of brown, Mom.
 
Me: Isaiah, they're not brown...they're a hazel which is bit green and brown together. They only get brighter green if I'm crying.
 
Isaiah: Really?! I wish I had that super power!


Huh? I wasn't aware I had super power outside of plunging a clogged toilet!

Juliusism Sunday!

I was watching Pool Masters with Julius! The host of the show is notorious for skinny dipping in the beginning of the episode...I think he's one of those purist people. They blur out the nekkid parts. Anyways, he's a hoot! This is Julius's first time watching it, so this is how our conversation went.
 
Me: This guy designs and buildings pools that look like ponds, but they're really swimming pools. Julius(wrinkles his nose): Do you smell like frogs when you get out? Me: Frogs smell? Julius *eyes divert back to the television and open wide* Me: Yeah, he likes to skinny dip. Julius: What's skinny dip? Me: He swims in his birthday suit. Julius: *Looks back at the television and eyes open wider*: Well, don't look now...his birthday suit just fell off and he's naked! 

LOL!!! He hasn't grabbed the concept of birthday suit yet!

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

My take on the teenage years:
It's like riding a seesaw with the neighborhood bully. At times you are up on the high end. The view looks amazing and everything seems all clear. Then within a heartbeat...the bully jumps off and you land flat on your arse wondering what the heck just happened!

Juliusism Sunday!

Julius: Do we have ketchup?
Me: Just the organic stuff.
Julius: No way.
Me: Yeah, you guys don't like the taste of it.
Julius: It taste like butt. Not regular butt, but big butt and if you think I'm kidding...I got two words for you. I'm Not!

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

The 17 year old is getting ready for prom. It's his Junior Prom, but the GF's Senior Prom. I told him that its customary to go out to dinner first...at least that's how we used to do it. The boy has never gone to a sit down restaurant alone, nor has he ever paid. That's what parents are for. So last night the questions began.
 

Michael: How does a restaurant work?
Me: You mean like if you run it as a business?
Michael: No, when you go eat at one. Does it cost money to just sit down at the table?
Me: Nooooo....you pay for whatever you order and the tip.
Michael: So like $30?
Me: I'm thinking more.
Michael: Well, how much do pancakes cost?
Me: Please don't tell me your taking poor Brandy to Ihop for prom?!
Michael Noooooo! How about Olive Garden?
Me: You're getting warmer.

Juliusism Sunday

During our first heat wave of the summer of 2014 it was 97 degrees, humid with a heat index well over a hundred. 

Julius woke up on the wrong side of the bed and has been rolling back and forth on the living room floor repeatedly saying, "Mom, I'm so bored."

The older boys went to hang with their friends down the street and Isaiah is still sleeping. To say the least, Julius is bored out of his mind. I made a few suggestions, so he stopped and listened. 

When my list was complete and nothing appealed to him he said, "No, I don't want to do those things. I'm just going to keep doing my Chant of Boredness!" 

LOL! Do your kids do the Chant of Boredness during summer break? 

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

It's a sure sign that you may have waited a little too long to buy some new bras when your nine year old son wakes up in the morning and immediately ask if you got a boob job overnight.

Really?! 

What can I say....I got my Grandma's Boobs!  

Juliusism Sunday!

This past summer was a looooonnnnggggg one! On the first day of vacation the voices came from over the stairs!
Julius: Open up this door and no one will get hurt!!!
Muffled voice: No! Go away!
Julius: I mean it!!! Open up!
Me: What is going on up there?
Julius: Dejon won't open his bedroom door.
Me: Why do you need to go into Dejon's room?
Julius: I have to give him something.
Me: What do you have to give him?
Julius: I have to fart.
 
Good Flipping Grief!!!! Boys!!!

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

Once upon a time there was a little girl with curly, honey-colored hair named Jenna.  She was her mommy’s pride and joy.  The mommy would dress Jenna in frilly clothes, big bows and braid her hair. The mommy loved to drive everywhere with her 2 year old baby girl. They would drive from Dayton into Biddeford to do their errands.  On their trip the mommy would love to listen to the little girl’s thoughts, and her mom would smile at how smart and beautiful she was.  However, while they were sitting at a traffic light…it became very quiet, but before the mommy could look to see if her little girl had fallen asleep she saw the couple in the lane next to them giggling and looking at her car.  That’s when the mommy looked in the rearview mirror and saw her beautiful, honey-colored cherub with a finger shoved halfway up her nose.  The mommy was mortified, because her little baby girl had never done anything like this.  So the mommy panicked to see her little angel doing something so grotesque and freaked out. “Jenna! Don’t pick your nose! That’s….that’s not nice!”  The little girl really didn’t react much to her mother’s concern(that hasn’t changed in 26 years)and  the little girl have her annoyed reply, “Don’t worry Momma….I not gonna eat it!!!”  The mommy was digging(no pun intended) out a baby wipe when she said, “Well, I suppose that’s a good thing and I should be somewhat relieved. Let’s wash your hands, okay…..and maybe not do that ever again.”  Then the little curly-haired toddler said, “Okay, Mommy.” Then the little girl went back to talking about Freddy Kruger, because she’s odd like that!!

Juliusism Sunday!

  

Paul(to Julius:) When did you sneak into our bed last night?
Julius: When you were sleeping, and Mommy was awake, and Isaiah was sleeping. *giggles*
Isaiah: I wasn't sleeping....I just pretended.
Julius: Why, so you could have the room to yourself?
Isaiah(smiles): Yup.
Julius: Well played, Isaiah. Well played.

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

  Miss Aubrey is over for a visit and she's the whiny grandbaby!! She came inside after struggling to open her bottle of bubbles. 

 I said, "Are you whining about bubbles. Girlfriend, you need to pull up your big girl panties and use your words." 

My little blonde lifts up her shirt and takes a peek at the waist of her pants. "They not down!!" Oy Vey!

Juliusism Sunday!

Julius is laying on my bed staring at the ceiling fan. You know the wheels are turning and I can see in his eyes that a question is coming.
 
Julius: Did you guys buy that fan on the ceiling?
Me: It came with the house.
Julius: Oh.
He studies it a bit longer.
Julius: So you bought the house and it came with a ceiling fan?
Me: Yes.
Julius: Well, I think you should have bought a ceiling fan that came with a house. Wouldn't that have been cheaper?
Me(laughing): Yes, Julius it would have been waaaayyyyyy cheaper.

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

Mom: Oh! This looks like its going to be a good show! 


Me: What show?


Mom: Never mind....its a commercial for Golden Corral.


Me: *snort*


Mom: Well, it would have been a good show! There is a good looking black guy in there and a cowboy.....I would have watched it! 

Juliusism Sunday!

 Chicken Master!

We put our baby Sultan chicks outside on their own for the first time today. I'll bring them in later for the night. 

I went outside with Julius to check on them and said, "Julius, look under the coop and see if the chicks are there." 

He bends over and says, "Yup, they are." 

I said, "Do you see three?" 

He says, "Yeah." 

I'm changing their water and said, "Okay, that's a good thing." 

He says, "I'm not a Chicken Master, but I think they don't like the mist." 

 LOL! Chicken Master!

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

Landon(grandson): Julius let's wrestle. *he proceeds to clear my living room of furniture.


Julius: I don't mean that kind of wrestling, Landon....with the action figures.


Landon: That's not fun!


Me: Nobody is wrestling....somebody will get hurt.


Landon: Don't worry Nonna....I'm stronger than him, I won't get hurt!


Julius(rolls his eyes): I'm hungry.


Landon: You just ate a minute ago.


Julius: Don't care. I'm still hungry.

Juliusism Sunday!

Julius came into my bedroom with his bedtime snack. 

Julius: You know what they say, "The more, the better." 
Me: You mean..."It's more, the merrier." 
Julius: "The more, the merrier"...that doesn't even make any sense. What are you trying to say?"
Me: "It's more, the merrier." It means the same thing you're saying." 
Julius(shaking his head): It doesn't even make sense.

At least he's not saying "The more, the more gooder" like he used too! I think we're heading in the right direction.

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

The History of the

Telephone!

 

Isaiah: Mom, I was watching this movie the other day and they had like one of those ancient phones.
Me: Really?
Isaiah: Yeah, you know...it had a cord and was connected to the wall. I think it comes from the 90's! 
 
Good grief! I might as well curl up and die now!

Juliusism Sunday

I love sitting around a campfire talking with the kids.
 
Isaiah: Dad, I want to go to summer camp.
Julius: I want to go to Asgard.
Me: Why?
Julius: So I can see that dude.
Me: Thor?
Julius: No, the other dude.
Me: Loki?
Julius: Yeah...I like him.

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

Me: Isaiah I have a quest for you. While I'm at writer's group I want you to go on the computer and find out what the capital of Egypt is and tell me what continent it is in.
 
Isaiah: What?! Say that again.
 
Me: I want you to find out the capital of Egypt and the continent its in.
 
Isaiah: Wait, wait, wait....go back. The capital of Egypt. *His brows creased* It's E! What was the other thing you wanted to know?
 
Me: Oy Vey! Am I really failing this bad at home schooling, Isaiah? It's not like you don't know this stuff. You learned what the capital of North Carolina was last year in school.
 
Isaiah: It's N! 

I give up!

Juliusism Sunday!

 An Arm and a Leg!

Julius cuddling up to me while I was writing tonight. He kept grabbing at my arm to hold him. I said, "Boy, you really like that arm, don't you?" He said, "I like your arm...and your head. I like all your body parts." I said, "I see. Thank you." No bonding issues here.

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

I have a pre-teen boy and over the last couple of years he's had an aversion to soap and water. This is a typical conversation between us.
 
Me: When is the last time you took a shower?
 
Pre-T: Ummmm......on......Sunday.....of this month!
 
Me(smh): Oh, good.....we still have one more Sunday in the month, so were good!
 
Conversation between us over New Year's holiday.
 
Me: If you are not going to take an active interest in your hygiene....you are not letting your afro grow out. 
 
Pre-T: I am taking care of it.
 
Me: Ummmm...ya, no you are not. I can literally envision those Mucinex guys setting up camp on your scalp, sitting on their couch playing Call of Cootie on their PS3! 
 



Conversation this morning....after Pre-Teen has taken a shower for three days in a row.
 
Me: Who are you and what have you done with my son?
 
Pre-T: What?
Me: Were you abducted by aliens?
 
Pre-T(smiling): No!
 
Me: What's with you showering three days in a row?
 
Pre-T: I don't want my hair cut.
 
I do believe I'm making progress!!!