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Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

Reason #118 why I don't help the boys with their math homework:
Paul: Isaiah name the place values for me.
Isaiah: What?
Me: You know....like the ones column, the tens column and the twenties column.
Paul: There is no twenties column.
Me: Do you even know who wrote Moby Dick?

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Juliusism Sunday!

Making The Grade!
 
Julius got his first report card in yesterday, but since his dad didn't get home until after he went to bed, and left before he got up again.....he called his cell phone. Unfortunately, Paul Searles didn't answer is cell phone, because he's at a football game and can't hear it ringing. Julius decided to leave a message.
 
Julius: Dad, I got my report card today and I got all A's and B's. No wait. I got all A's. I didn't get any B's, C's or D's, E's F's G's, H's, I's or J's K's or.....Mom, what's after K again.
Me: L
Julius: Yeah, and no L's or M,N,O,P's. *takes a breath* Let's just say I got all A's and no other letters.

Bahahahahaha!

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

Beggers Get No Hugs!

Jenna: Mommy, has to go to the doctors so Nonna is going to pick you up from pre-school.
Aubrey: I, no want her pick me up. I want you pick me up!
Jenna: You love Nonna!
Aubrey(rolling her eyes): Nonna begs too much!
Jenna(laughing): What?
Aubrey: Nonna begs me
 for hugs!

She is such a little booger!

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Juliusism Sunday!

Who Could It Bee Now?

Julius: I had to run inside!!! A bee was chasing me!!!
Isaiah: If its one of those fat bees, they won't sting you. Only the skinny bees sting you.
Julius: I was running too fast! I couldn't tell if it was fat or skinny!!

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

Just a random conversation between me and my 3 year old granddaughter, Aubrey while she is watching Disney Channel.
 

Aubrey: Nonna, I know Jesus.
Me: You do? Who is he?
Aubrey: JESUS!!!!
Me: Okay. I got that part, but do you know who he is and what he did?
Aubrey: Only Memere knows!
Me: Wait a minute! I know him too!
Aubrey: Okay, and you too.


Sunday, February 9, 2014

Juliusism Sunday!

 
Julius: Dad, I need my Kindle back so I can do my homework.
Paul: Can you wait just one more minute so I can finish my game?
Julius: Homework is more important than games.
Me: Yes, it is. Give the kid back his Kindle so he can read a book.
Julius(bumps into his father on purpose): Oops! You lost.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Dysfunctional Wednesday!


WALK THIS WAY!

After divorcing in 1997, I decided it wasn’t marriage or relationships that I hated….it was just HIM!

I was in my very early thirties and still very much in the prime of my life.  So into the dating game I returned. I would soon discover that I wouldn’t wish this experience on my worst enemy. 

Stuck in the midst of this “new season” of my life, I had one of my time-traveler moments!  Somehow I had been sent back into middle school, except now those pre-adolescent claws had been traded in for acrylic nails and they were desperate for a man…any man! I was a bit daunted, but wasn’t hanging up my gloves yet.

At this time blind dates could still be found, but I thought “Why not give these dating ads a try?” After all, I can get exactly what I’m looking for by their “honest, heartfelt” descriptions! (SNORT) Oh, to be thirty years old and still so na├»ve!

I found this ad and it read, as follows:

Paul Bunyan type, looking for a full-figured woman in mid-30’s. Seeking a long term relationship and possibly marriage in the future. I love to travel, listening to music and romantic dinners.

After reading it, I said “Perfect! Looks do not matter. It’s all about what’s in a person’s heart, and finding a person that will treat me kindly…that’s what’s most important.”  I left a message, he returned my call and we agreed to meet for coffee at a local shop.  At the agreed time, I pulled into the parking lot and scoped it out looking for his dark blue car.
Listen well, because it’s not often I say “I’m wrong”, but I was wrong. There is definitely something to be said about a bit of chemistry in a relationship, and even a bit of physical attraction.  When I saw him….it wasn’t there, but even if I wanted to duck out now, I couldn’t…..he spotted me!  I parked the car, shut it off and waited for him to get out of own vehicle.  He had managed to get out of his car, but had yet to walk in my direction, so I made the first move. As I’m crossing the parking lot, I’m having a mental conversation with all of the voices in my head. One says. “There is something so familiar about this guy, but I can’t seem to place it.”  Another piped out. “Guurrrrllll, he fell short of Paul Bunyan by about eighteen inches!”  Then I said, “Will you all shut up! It’s not like I’m getting married….it’s just a freaking coffee for God Sakes!”  
I’ll give the voices a break….they were spot on. He was no taller than my own, 5’2” frame and he was familiar….almost like I had seen him in a movie, but couldn’t place which one. I finally reached the car, smiled and introduced myself.  He did the same, and we began walking down the incline of the parking lot toward the coffee shop.  He stepped with his left foot, and then dragged his right leg behind, and as I watched he began to explain. “I fell on the ice a few months ago and broke my ankle. It’s still giving me a bit of trouble.”    
Then those damn voices came back.  “Bloody Hell, Lass!  Yer aboot to have coffee with the Hunchback of Notre Dame hisself, Quasimoto!”
I was blessed enough to meet my true soul mate in 1998, after a very tumultuous marriage. I’m in it for good! No more dating scenes for me! Besides, trying to fill his shoes would be impossible.  Really!  He wears a size 14! 

 


Sunday, February 2, 2014

Juliusism Sunday!

It was a BIG cat!
 
Me: What did you do in school today?
Julius: We watched a movie...it was boring.
Me: What movie?
Julius: I don't know the name, but it had a mouse and a tiger or lion.
Me: Well, tigers have stripes.
Julius: Then it was the other one.