Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

Michael was gently trying to let me know that while he was out driving in my car this afternoon...he about shite his pants by over correcting the SUV.

Michael(nervous smiling): Don't freak, but this afternoon....Phew! I kind of over corrected, because I had to swerve around an animal.
Me: What?! What kind of animal?
Michael: It was a turtle...a big, big turtle and he popped out at me.
Me: Michael, turtles don't pop out of anywhere...they're too slow.
Michael: Well, there was a opossum that came out right after him.
Me: Really? Aren't opossums nocturnal?
Michael: Nooooo!!!! Listen.
Me: So a turtle and an opossum...I swear Michael if you tell me a Bambi, a chipmunk and a bluebird came out right after I'm going to think you're SnowflippinWhite!
Michael: No! I have a pic of him.
Me: The opossum?
Michael: No, the turtle.

One day is all I'm asking events, no drama, etc. I've been waiting for that day for 28 years now...the odds are not in my favor.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

I love to dance! Of course, now at my age....I may not only offend the people around me, but I even offend myself sometimes. Body parts don't always go the way my brain is telling them. There is a cause and effect thing going on!

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

For those of you that know me well...I have a very blunt parenting style, especially with my teenagers. Mama got jokes...its the only way to approach teenagerdom! My biggest fear with these keeping them as innocent for as long as possible. When Michael went to prom we had the "sex" talk....and yes I was very blunt then. Tonight he got home from his 9 hour shift at McD's, definitely not his dream job or anyone elses either, took a shower and was heading out with the GF. Of course, I told him "No sex" and got the eye roll, to which I reply..."I'm just keeping it real, because a baby means you'll be coming home everyday from a 9 hour shift smelling like a greasy french fry! Think about it. No purple lights for your car, no toys, no freedom. Don't be trading in your sub-woofers and tweeters for a pair of boobs. get the urge...slam that bad boy in a window and it'll go away!" Then I finished with my normal..."Be good, drive safe, I love you." speech.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

Say Uncle!
 I hear Julius yell, "OW!" 
I look over and see him folded in half with Isaiah pinning his knees to his ears. I freaked. "Isaiah, I don't want you guys wrestling like that! You're going to break his neck." 
Julius isn't screaming anymore, but Isaiah still has him pressed in half and says, "Wrestling? We're not wrestling..its yoga!!"