Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

Giving Grey Hairs

My mom is selling her house here in NC. The real estate guy she got is good, but an arrogant pr!@%! I have a copy of the house key and he needed it, so she asked if I could mail it to him.

Me: I mailed the key and on the envelope I put ATTN: Randy What'sHisFace.

Mom: No, just put Randy.

Me: No, I think someone needs to knock the man's ego down a peg, and I'm just the person for the job.

Mom: Angel, just put Randy on the envelope.

Me: It would really be a public service if I did you know. You do want me to give back to the community don't you?

Mom: Not that way. 

Me: But I'm chemically imbalanced.

Mom: I know.

Me: Fine. I'll just put Randy.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Juliusism Sunday!

It's Outta Here!
Julius: Mom, I have to tell you something.
Me: Okay, what's up?
Julius: Ummm....ummmm....Never mind, I lost my mind.
Me: Do you mean it slipped your mind.
Julius: Oh yeah!

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

What's For Lunch?

Paul(on the phone): You called?

Me: Yeah.

Paul: What do you need?

Me: Nothing. Just wanted to say hi.

Paul: Hi. Why is it you always call at lunch time...that's when the store is busy.

Me: I don't know. Maybe I'm hungry and since you do all the cooking....I just thought "I'll call Paul."

Paul: And what am I suppose to do about it when I'm a work?

Me: Nothing...its just an instinct I've developed over the last 15 years. You know how wolves in a pack tend to go to the alpha for food.

Paul: Is that it?

Me: Yup!

Paul: I'll call you later.

Man! I totally gave him a compliment and he didn't even know it. See if I call him an Alpha Male again!

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Juliusism Sunday!


Julius: How do you spell Subway Surfers?
Paul: S-U-B...
Julius: B?
Paul: No, Beeeee.
Julius: B
Paul: No, Beeeee.
Julius: I put your Beeeee! What's next!?
Paul: Oh. W-A-Y

I swear the man is deaf!!!

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

 Say Uncle!

Julius: When I get a lot money, I'm going to build a wrestling ring in the house.
Me: Geez, you guys know how much I hate the wrestling thing.
Isaiah: Why?!
Julius: Its fun!
Me: You guys say that now, but someone always ends up hurt!
Isaiah: No we don't
Me: Why can't you guys find something else to play, like........tea parties!
Isaiah and Julius: WHAT!!!!
Me: No one ever got hurt at a tea party.
Julius: For one....I don't drink tea, and for two...tea parties are for Girls!!
Me: Hey, men drink tea too.
Isaiah: Yeah, well the only time you'll see a boy having a tea party is when his older sister forces him too....and that's it. We're putting mattresses on our wrestling ring too.
Oy Vey!

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Juliusism Sunday!

Classic Juliusism!
Your brains are made of Ramen noodles! That's why teachers say "Use your noodle."

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Dysfunctional Wednesday!!!

 Driving Him Nuts!

Paul: Your computer is broken, so what have you been doing the entire day.

Me: Ummm......I read an entire book, and it was sooooo good it made me cry and laugh out loud!

Paul: (Raises an eyebrow): You didn't take a nap?

Me: Absolutely not! I just read all day. 
My motivation is getting better though. Today actually thought about cleaning the house. 

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Juliusism Sunday!

Reading Between The Lines

Me: Julius, let's go.  Get your book-in-a-bag and we'll get your reading homework done. What are we reading today?
Julius: Where's My Homey At?
Me: Okayyy....what?!
Julius: I'm just kidding. I'm reading Jake and the Big Fish!