Sunday, August 31, 2014

Juliusism Sunday!

 To Eat or Not To Eat...Don't Eat!

Julius and I were feeding the chickens this morning and he said, "Mom, sometimes I see the chickens pecking at their own poop." 

I kind grimaced and said, "Yeah, they aren't very smart and don't know any better." 

Julius said, "I didn't know poop tasted good." 

 I said, "It doesn't...or so I assume." 

That seemed to satisfy his curiosity and hopefully his overactive taste buds. 

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

“Driving” Us Crazy
          Nothing or nobody can make you feel more incompetent as a driver, than a fifteen year old that has attended his first driver’s education class.  They know it all…and just after one session.  It’s mind boggling!

            When my son,  Michael’s first class was finished he jumped in the passenger seat of my car and we were off.  As we came to the first of many traffic lights. While I waited, I picked up my phone and checked my messages. 

Michael said, “The driving teacher said that you should never text and drive.”  Technically, I wasn’t driving.  However, I didn’t want to set a bad example so I set my phone back down.

I replied, “Yes, that’s very good advice.”  The light turned green and we were off again. 

            Over the next four miles, Michael is regaling his entire one day’s worth of driving
knowledge and correcting every aspect of my driving.  I was driving to close to the car in front, I was going 5 mph over the speed limit, I didn’t put my blinker on quick enough.  Well, you get the idea.

 I’ll be the first to admit, that after thirty-one years of driving, that I have gained a few bad habits or quirks. One of them is driving with my left foot on the dashboard. It’s comfortable and it works for me. 

Michael says in a singsong voice, “You knowwwww, you really should be sitting correctly in your seat with both hands on the steering wheel.” 

I responded by saying, “I do have both hands on the steering wheel.”  He said, “I’m talking about your foot on the dash…its wrong.”  Humph!

So here we are. I’m driving with both my hands on the steering wheel and both my feet on the floorboards. I’m completely cut off from the outside world, because I’m no longer allowed to use my cell phone at traffic lights.  We come to the next set of lights, and I reach over for my travel mug full of coffee.  Not just any coffee…my Dunkin Donuts coffee.  I see his face light up at the prospect of correcting me again, but he wasn’t quick enough.

 I stated, “Don’t even…think about taking my coffee away.”  That silenced him. 
Before we could head home, I had one quick errand that needed to be done.  I pulled into a parking space at the store. When no advice was forthcoming from the “teenage peanut gallery”, I was elated. I obviously still had a bit of driving skills left.  I was gone all of five minutes into the store, jumped back in the car and proceeded to back out of my parking spot. 

Then I heard it. 

“You knowwww…you’re supposed to have your right hand on the back of the passenger’s seat headrest, with your head turned over your right shoulder as you back out.”  With my lips twisted, I placed my hand onto the headrest, as he suggested. There was smug little grin on his face, as he continued to look out the front window.  I have no idea how it happened, but my right hand slipped off the headrest and slapped the back of his big head. 

Michael yelled. “Ow!”

I gave him an apologetic smile and said, “Oops! I’m sorry my hand slipped.”

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Juliusism Sunday!

 It's Wib Time!

Paul just walked in with a car full of groceries. He says to DeAnthony, who is putting some of the food away, "Hey, DeAnthony just put the ribs in the fridge for now." 

Julius runs out of the bathroom, "Did you just saying we're having wibs for dinner!?" 

Paul shakes his head, "Yes, ribs and Mommy is going to make homemade mac n' cheese." 

Julius jumps up and says, "Yesssaaaahhh!!" 

The kid has extrasensory hearing when it comes to the mention of food!

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

It's Mine!

I've been parenting for nearly 28 years! I openly admit to being a bit OCD, without much of a major compulsive component. That just means people move things, put things out of place and I'm too tired to fix it anymore. 

Now I just leave it for a rainy day, of which no one knows when I'll break out the "coach" hat and whistle. When it does...and its coming very soon, everything will be returned to its rightful place! 

I also plan on labeling everything that belongs to ME with a label that simply states MINE!! No more little hands or big hands touching/losing my headphones, chargers, pens, kindles, cell phone, etc. I know, I know....I'm sounding a bit like Veruca Salt from Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, but these boys need some serious boundaries set. They touched my favorite pen!!!

I started getting ready to do this labeling thing when I got up this morning.....or I was, before I found my new label maker with its back removed and the batteries swiped!  


Sunday, August 17, 2014

Juliusism Sunday!

Julius climbing into my bed at midnight!

Me: Don't you think it's about time you start sleeping in your own bed? I mean you're how old? Julius: Seven, but Daddy's 40 something, and he gets to sleep in your bed all the timmmmmeee. That's older than I am!!!

Oy Vey!

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

Put On Your Listening Ears!

Isaiah: I'm almost finished with my math work. 
Me: Well, just leave them out so your father can correct them.
Isaiah: What do you mean correct them?
Me: To see if you are understanding the formulas.
Isaiah: What if I get them all wrong?
Me: Then Daddy will be able to see where you are having trouble and you can re-do them.
Isaiah: *big sigh* Great. I probably got them all wrong.
Julius: Isaiah, you always have to try your hardest and never give up. Oh, and always listen to your teacher.
Me: Or your mom....who is your teacher.
Julius: Yeah, and your lawyer. You should always listen to your lawyer.
Me: What?
Julius: I don't know....I have no idea what a a lawyer is.

Oy Vey!

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Juliusism Sunday!

Julius's observation before I jumped in the shower.

Julius: Man! Look at your hair.

Me:*laughing* I haven't taken a shower yet.

Julius: It looks like you've been shaking your hair all over the place. Your hair is saying, (uses his best Steven Tyler voice) "I'm a ROCK STARRRRR!"

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Dysfunctional Wednesday!

DeAnthony: Really Julius? Your sucking on bacon?
Julius: There's juice in there.

I'm totally reconsidering starting my juicing regiment again!


Sunday, August 3, 2014

Juliusism Sunday!

Me: need to start putting up the toilet seat when you go to the bathroom. It's just good manners.
Julius: I can't help it....I got to go so bad. What if I clean up after?
Me: It's the least you can do if your going to pee on the seat!

Julius *grabs my clean night shirt off the sink and wipes the seat*

Me: Hey!!!
Julius: Oops! Maybe you should just put one of those things on the wall...there's no seat.
Paul: You don't put urinals in houses.

Me*face palm to the hubby*: You don't wipe pee with my PJ's either!!